The perfect lie

Denial is a part of every human's life........

it's something that you can't control  because sometimes denial  is how we avoid the painful truth
no one wants to get hurt
no one likes the truth
pain isn't something anyone is looking for but it happens to you no matter what you do
pain happens for many things but it's mostly when you care about someone
it's like the universe  knows that someone is really special for you and the universe doesn't like that at all
so the universe turns on you because you're happy and it doesn't like it
and just like that you life turns into a mess
so there comes the pain along with depression and suffering
but its not something you can actually control when you're sad you're gonna stay sad until you figure things out with yourself
no one can control their sadness but they do control how they deal with it
denial works pretty well with people
people realize how the truth hurts so they deny it's existence in the hopes of this being just bad dream
till now people still have hope in a better tomorrow that somehow you're not going to lose someone you love or anything that would make them happy
as i said no one likes pain but it's here any ways.

Denial is a blessing 

Denial is a perfect lie 

Mirror

Do you ever stare at the mirror for a long time?
Actually it scares the hell out of me because it could be the scariest thing ever
I don't like the idea of staring at my self for a long time because i don't want to stare at everything that i hate in my self because i already hate my self as it is
The scary thing about mirrors is that its a reflection of everything you hate about yourself and by everything i do mean everything
You start seeing what you really are, what you hate about your face, your body and even whats inside of you
But imagine being a mirror, how do you think that would be?
If staring at a mirror for a while makes you see what you hate about yourself
Then being a mirror makes you see what people hate about themselves
Is that a good thing?
To see every single thing that people hate about themselves and how truly screwed up they are
Will you hate them?
Or just be happy that you're not the most screwed up person in the world?

It's far away

The story so far

Hasn't begun from the start

And it's end is so far, so far away from the start

A story where you and me live happily forever indeed

So far from our past, so far into our dreams

So far as you wish it should be

Where no pain and sorrow no we won't feel

So far away to a place where your voice is all what I can hear

So far away my dear

So far away where nothing could disturb our dreams

It's a beautiful place

Where you and me live happily forever indeed

Wise ass.....

People do stupid things, They don't have to spend the rest of their lives regretting it
We are human beings.........
Its in our blood to make stupid things
It's what makes us humans, choosing between various options crafting our own future
probably predicting it based on our actions
I myself wouldn't call them stupid, I'd call them emotional actions
Because you always follow your heart and not your brain
In the purpose of satisfying yourself  or even someone else
Which is not rational because you should make your needs at first satisfying your  needs and making your dreams come true
On the other side most of the people just care more about other people then their very own self
In the hopes that this other person might grant them happiness by the simplest expressions they make on their faces
They  have that much of trust in other people that they might do the same to them
It's emotional, you don't always think about the worst that could happen
For example, you'll always get the girl you love flowers and chocolate every day if you could and you work so hard on making her happy ignoring that fact that it might never last forever as you were imagining
 You just get your hopes and expectations so high thinking that this person might never disappoint you in any possible way
But from experience, it always happens, by time we learn that the closest people are always the ones who get your heart broken in pieces and in result you're the one who's cursing god for the day you were born crying yourself to death etc...
And here i wonder and ask myself this question
"are humans that stupid?"
We make the same mistake over and over again knowing that the possibility  of getting screwed up again does exist and we don't always learn from our mistakes
We just wonder in this huge world searching for what we call "The one"
the shining light in your darkest days, the one whos gonna alway be there when you call for help, your best friend, your soul mate and your love
Is that something worth breaking your heart for?
Over and over until you find the perfect match to your puzzle?
Some people are worth melting for and without pain we wouldn't know the meaning of joy
But as i said stupid things is what makes us humans
In both ways you'll get your heart broken and you'll break hearts
You're gonna make enemies and make new friends
You're going to love and hate
You're going to laugh out loud and cry yourself to sleep
This is how its been and how its always gonna be
Because we are humans
And we are just as fucked up as we could ever be

My Days with her. (3)

Day one hundred and eighty two......


of course there were ups and downs 
i got depressed so many times 
but what always kept me going was that spark 
i mean i was that lucky to get close to her,
why wouldn't i be a little more luckier and somehow we might end up together 
i knew that i was day dreaming again 
but i was happy 
then i made a promise that i couldn't keep
i thought that luck was on my side 
i did every thing that i could possibly do 
but ehh simply it wasn't enough 
i felt weak and miserable
that i could never make happy or that she hates me now 
it was a rough day for me
i just wanted to make her happy thats all 
that would've made me happy
but i guess god doesn't want me near happy........
for now i hope  
and that was day one hundred and eighty two...
  

One more kiss.....

Just one more kiss before i say goodbye ?

It's the last thing I'd do before i say goodbye 

So hold me tight in your arms, as the tears fall straight from my eyes  

Is it over yet? Are you just passing by?

How i feel when my eye meets your eye 

Wishing that someday you would be mine

But you were never mine

It's the truth that i keep inside a lie 

You found a heart and I lost mine

Maybe it's the truth i want to deny ?

Or is it just the perfect lie

Do i have to remember who am I ?

A lonely soul, begging for mercy asking God why?

Do i have to live this life with this aching heart of mine 

Will i ever die ?

Or is it just an endless torture to this broken soul of mine

I'll just sleep and dream of a better day, it's a truth that i can't deny 

I just want the sun to rise and your face to shine 

On this misery of mine 

My Days with her. (2)

day twenty one...

its been a while now and i think that we are heading for something good here
we understand each other, we liked talking to each other and the laughs and the talks and bla bla bla 
life was good 
i knew i never loved someone that much in my life...
it was great to feel "love"
i spent every moment wish that i could just hold her tight in my arms, so close to my heart that i can never miss a single heart beat without her
but i was always wondering inside of me 
always knew that something was wrong 
something wrong is going to happen cause honestly life wasn't that fair with me 
but as long as i was happy i didn't bother my self about it 
i just kept day dreaming 
when something great happened 
i was amazed how she handled, she was so calm and she was laughing like she had nothing to lose in this world 
but she owned every thing i had   
i loved the sound of her voice that night 
it was like a heavy burden was off her chest 
she was happy 
and so was i 
the spark got brighter as my hope that somehow we might be together got stronger 
that was day twenty one... 

My Days with her.

day one...


It was a very normal day every one is everywhere doing normal things
she was doing the same as every one, which was being normal 
it wasn't the first time i see her being normal 
but in my version.....i saw a whole lots of awesomeness going around the place 
it was new for me to see anything like that i haven't really been seeing  a lot of stuff lately 
then it happened.......
and of course you know drill
the red face, dilated eyes, the rush of blood to the brain, the fire that spreads in your body 
the dry throat and your heart start pumping like its gone wild 
i knew that it was foolish of me to fall in love from first sight 
ironically i always believed in that
but i knew that my luck wont go that far
so i was back to my day dreaming as usual......
but for god knows what reason i was the luckiest man in the world 
for two minutes 
we talked........... it was a hit and run conversation 
but i loved those moments 
and thats where it all started 
how this little spark of hope was ignited
that was day one...

Father Green.....

Everyone has something to say, something to confess.....
a heavy burden on their chests crushing their souls every second, they keep it hidden deep down inside
it's hard to live with that kind of weight on your chest, and its a relief to share that burden with someone else
someone you trust, someone who can share the pain with you, someone who truly is gonna care for you
that's how every one saw Father Green
a loving, caring, trustworthy person
he always cared for other people and their problems concerned him
he truly cared, not because its his job as a saint but because its whom he really is
it never bothered him all those secrets he kept safe and how he comforted them, gave them hope in god
that's how it was
every day....... comforting people he doesn't recognise
he always asked himself has anyone ever wondered has he ever confessed to anyone before ?
is he a sinner?
does he has any secrets of his own?
is he ........ feeling alright?
when you care too much people talk to you cause they're look for someone to make them feel alright
because they do realize how hard it is to find someone how could actually care about it
someone whom his job is to listen to people's problems as they ask for forgiveness from him
how it makes you feel kind of special ......... a bit powerful
but also so lonely
because no one is gonna ask Father Green if he is feeling alright
he is the only one who ever cared
all those lonely secrets in his head
no one to talk to but himself
it took so much time to fill Father Green with secrets, that he couldn't take it no more
so one day he wasn't there
to listen to them
he died with all his secrets
its funny when you are dead how people start to listen

after all you worth so much more when you're a goner

Songs

Lost in the echo of a whisper in the dark looking for somewhere i belong
Broken and by myself at the edge of the earth
Oh love time is running out so just give me a sign and I'll follow the fireflies to the stairway to heaven
And if I'm gonna lose you then it's time
I'll kiss you goodbye as i feel the sound of your heartbeat
Maybe it's a late goodbye but forgive me cause I was lost in you
We were meant to live for so much more but you were never mine my dear
Oh dear the end draws near
It's sad but true you had to go
And I'm sorry because i had to
I you only knew how much i miss you

In a sweet voice...

"OH you silly goose, you're the best thing that ever happened to me"

 That's all what i remember from all these years 

the moment when we first met , our song , her last name and..... almost her face 

I can't really say if i choose not to remember or have i really forgotten all about her  but how can i? i mean i loved her so much that i cherished every moment we spent together 

it all faded away like a winter's breeze......... you never see it coming but you feel how much it hurts you when it freezes your soul

i loved it when you made me feel special when you talked to me whenever you needed me 

or all those times when we sang together and you kept teasing me how bad was my voice

how you sang to me...... in a sweet voice 

  all the laughs and and tears we had together 

you don't know how hard it was to keep all my feelings kept away in a dark place underneath my cold skin

how your heart always ignites the deepest broken heart

how you make everything feels so right 

how you see this world in a different colorful way

where there are no hurricanes, no monsters underneath my bed, no darkness to fear, no clouds to block the sunshine from touching your face and no nightmares to keep me from dreaming  

with that insane look in your eyes how you love every thing in this life 

all of this made you sound so crazy 

but also so right

and thats why i loved you 

you made everything so beautiful and bright 

by the time i realized that all of this wasnt a dream............ you were gone 

you were still so young and beautiful 

oh how i wish all of this was a bad dream

i laughed one last time at the place where you died and i remembered 

"?when was ever life that fair to anyone" 

       i guess i never wanted to remember how beautiful it was to be with her 

im used to how dark it is here 

.....i guess i remember all of it after all